bluelander: Cartoon anthropomorphic bug smiling, winking and adjusting their glasses (Poindexter)

In lieu of a journal update today, I put some work into my Game Badges page. I've got the layout looking good on desktop and mobile, I put up an info page, and I've created the first 6 game pages. There's still some details I need to fill in, but the important stuff is there.

I know it's silly, but I've been wanting a longer-term project I can work on from the office, and this is scratching that itch. I'll post some short diary updates if anything happens, but for now I'm happy with most of my writing energy going to this. Thanks for understanding 🙏

bluelander: A low-poly raccoon (Default)

I apologize for the quality of the mushroom pics in the previous post. I was shrinking them down with an app called pocket paint, and I didn't realize looking on my phone how badly it was mangling them. I checked the settings, and there are no scaling options, so I assume it's just doing nearest neighbor for everything. I asked fedi for recommendations for Android photo editors, and abetterjulie at wandering shop recommended Snapseed. At first I didn't think it had a resize function, but I found it in the settings menu. Rather than being an editing tool, it allows you to set a maximum resolution when saving the file, from a list of pre-baked options. I chose to have the "long edge" set to a maximum of 800 pixels, meaning the pics will either be 800x400 or 400x800 depending on if it's portrait or landscape. Which is a very convenient setting, much better than doing it by hand. Snapseed is made by Google, I don't understand why it's not the built-in photo editor. It does all the same stuff, but more and better. It's bonkers that the built in editor doesn't have any way to resize photos, like they seriously expect me to share photos in their original massive 13MP resolution? On a phone? Unlimited data is still far from universal. Maybe they expect whatever social network the photo's being shared on to handle resize and compression. This is something Twitter and Facebook do, but not fedi software. It's one of my few remaining gripes with the fediverse, but maybe all that image processing would be too computationally expensive. Twitter and FB can do it with their massive server farms, but it might be too much to expect from a small host. Ah well, at least I know Snapseed works now. I updated the best picture from yesterday's set with the higher quality resize, the close-up of the flat mushroom with the building in the background, and it looks worlds better. I also added a bit of custom CSS to make sure it's resized to fit whatever screen you're on, so they should all be viewable in the mobile layout. I hadn't touched the style settings at all, because I still have nightmares about trying to customize Livejournal's batshit S2 system, but luckily while dreamwidth did inherit that stuff from LJ, there's also a field where you can just add or edit the CSS. Maybe I can get things looking a bit more comfy around here without it becoming A Project

See you, space eggbug

So, cohost is gone. I had an account there, and I didn't use it much because it doesn't really fit my social media consumption lifestyle: I do most of my social media-ing on my phone, and cohost was too data intensive for me to use on the reg. There were accounts that I greatly enjoyed checking in on from time to time, and it seems like it had a great community, so I'm sad to see it go but not surprised. If you were following the financial update posts, and reading the analysis of the financial update posts, it was clear this was inevitable. The team behind cohost wanted it to be a business that paid them software engineer salaries, and they never had a real plan to make this happen. Even the most despicable ad-laden social media with the most addictive dark patterns isn't profitable. Cohost wanted to avoid all the bad stuff, which is commendable, but they had no other feasible ideas for funding the operation. They were borrowing money from a rich friend to pay their salaries and the website's operating expenses. They agreed to turn over the code to said rich friend if and when they were unable to repay the loans. They sold premium subscriptions, and they had an unbelievably loyal core user base with a fantastic conversion rate, and it still wasn't close to enough. I don't think it was bad of them to try, but I definitely think they should've been more forthright about their financial situation. Not that they're obligated to talk about it, but they claimed to want to be transparent about the health of the website, and saying nothing at all would be preferable to putting out a bunch of bullshit.

I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I never thought there was all that much special about the cohost website. It was novel that their posting system was open enough to allow the users to hack in a bunch of interactive CSS widgets, but once the novelty wore off, it was essentially just another blogging platform. That's certainly how I used it. I was a fan of a couple people who had their blogs on cohost, and I would often see fedi posts broadcasting and boosting good writing on cohost, the same way I see links to dreamwidth, bearblog, tumblr, self-hosted static blogs, etc. There were features that I appreciated compared to its contemporaries—I really appreciate the ability to view a person's profile without the boosts and just see all their original posts, and I wish fedi software would copy that feature—but I don't see anything about the software that would justify half a million bucks in development costs. The people were what made cohost good.

And maybe I'm just fedi-brained, but I don't see what's stopping someone from spinning up a mastodon instance called eggbug.social, crowdfunding the hosting costs, and everyone on cohost signing up and continuing to have more or less exactly the same community they had before. They could share their CSS toys on neocities, they could move their longposts there or use whatever blogging platform they wanted, they could continue using the same hashtags to find what they're interested in, the difference would be minimal. In my opinion.

Instead, there's been a sort of cohost diaspora. Former members are finding each other with the #heycohost tag, people are moving to whatever instances suit them best, and they're making the fediverse a better place to be, and that's awesome. I've also seen tale that some longposters are moving their stuff to dreamwidth, which is also cool. I haven't seen any examples yet, but I see how it would be a good fit.

But I've also seen people say that they're not moving anywhere, that there can be no replacement for cohost, that the only alternative is going back to the giant corporate social media that's ruined everything and created the modern internet hellscape, cohost was the only port in that storm and now it's gone and social media is dead. I don't get it.

I think some people perceive there being some kind of cohost/mastodon rivalry, that people on federated social media hated cohost and vice versa, that they were two ideologically opposed projects, and that hasn't been my experience at all. I didn't spend enough time on cohost to see the breadth and depth of opinions on the subject, but I've certainly never seen anyone on the fediverse wishing for cohost's destruction, and I've seen plenty of people enjoy both places in equal measure. On fedi, I have seen a lot of criticism of cohost's business practices and moderation policies, very justified criticism IMO, but none of it was vitriolic. Yeah, some of it has been a little snide and mocking. I tend to unfollow or mute those people. I recommend doing the same. There are twitter-brained individuals on every alternative social media platform, and yeah there are some twitter-brained instances you can safely defederate from. Once you do, the fediverse is a great place to be. I wouldn't trade it for anything, except when I need to write more than 500 characters, in which case I trade it for... What you're reading right now! And a separate blogjournal isn't really a trade-off, I think they complement each other.

I see the fediverse as kind of a co-working space for creativity. Everyone is in a big room with a bunch of tables and chairs, sitting at their computers, doing their own thing, but at any time you can get up and walk around and see what other people are up to. And other people can walk up and see what you're doing. And you can ask questions or talk to the other people at your table. There's a lectern with the mic in the middle of the room, and you can get up and announce that you made a thing and you'll be showing it off in the game room, or the poetry room, or the retro computer room, or whatever; and everyone who's interested can get up and come check it out, and everyone who's not can keep doing their own thing.

And here's the thing: the room doesn't matter. Any room with tables and chairs and a place to plug in your computer will work. Sure, if you sit at a specific table long enough you might form an attachment to it. I was on cyber.space for 6 years, and I was sad to see it go. But it wasn't the end. I got up and moved to a different table. Everyone else on cybre space did too. We can visit each other's tables any time, but we're meeting cool people and making new friends at our new tables.

When you meet so many cool people and see so many great things, you might think "wow, whoever set this room up is a genius". But the room is just a room. The tables are just tables. The people are what's important. I hope everyone who loved cohost find their people

bluelander: A cartoon cat saying "oh well" (Oh well)

Had kind of a rough one yesterday. Had to go to the grocery store after work, which meant I got home at 19h00 instead of 17h00. Those two hours on the bus and at the store put a huge dent in my executive function. I don't think people who drive cars understand just how much harder every aspect of life is for people who use public transit.

You know the old labor slogan "8 hours for work, 8 hours for rest, 8 hours for what we will"? Well for me, "rest" has to be put in a different category than "sleep". I need 7½-8 hours of sleep a night just to function as a person, just to be able to work. But I also need rest, time to convalesce and let my brain recover and just think. I've never been someone who can get off work and spend the next 8 hours doing things until it's time for bed. Whether this is part of my neurodivergence or a PTSD thing or just part of my human condition is hard to say. But if I don't get 3-4 hours of rest, preferably uninterrupted, it takes a huge toll on the rest of my life. Last night I couldn't get an adequate amount of rest. When I get home at 19h00 I basically have 4 hours until I need to get to bed if I want to get 8 hours of sleep. And I couldn't use all that time to rest because I have other responsibilities as a married adult. I managed to get to bed by 23h30, which would've been about 7½ hours of sleep, but I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and had a hard time getting back to sleep. So I didn't get adequate rest or sleep, and I'm going to take it easy at work today.

Even when I get home at 17h00, that only leaves me 6 hours, which when you factor in rest and responsibilities doesn't leave me any time for self-actualization. So I have to steal time for self-actualization from work whenever I can. My therapist has more or less signed off on the need to engage in "time theft" to keep myself sane and as happy as possible under the circumstances.

"Time theft" in my case means figuring out ways to be super efficient at my job, so I can get all my work done in less time than they expect me to need, and then use the leftover time for what I will. It's not ideal, because I have to be discreet—I can't just set my laptop up on my desk and get to work, because people would see me and realize something unusual is going on. Phones are generally safe, and as long as I carefully manage my time and don't fall behind on job duties, I can write these journal entries, or work on downpour games, or read a book. Or play a couple levels of picross. Or post some jokes on fedi.

It's not ideal, because I have to do things in short bursts throughout the day, and it makes long-term projects especially difficult, but I try to be grateful for what I have. A lot of people are forced to work in dehumanizing environments where they're not allowed to so much as look at their phone, the kind of real jobs where they're told, with vile sincerity, "if you have time to lean you have time to clean". I have a comfortable bullshit desk job and I try not to take it for granted. If I had to work a real job it's very likely that I wouldn't be here today. But it's still hard not to grieve for the portion of my life that's been stolen from me.

Anyway, that's enough self-actualization for today. I have 6 hours to go and I'm going to try to get as comfortable as possible and listen to podcasts and work as slowly as I can get away with. Maybe I can find a little rest in the cracks of the day

bluelander: A pixellated pac-manesque ghost reading a book (Reading ghost)
We're about ten months into the year of the journal and so far it's off to a rocky start. I wanted to post at least once a week, and my track record has been less than stellar.

The main factor I attribute this to is an absolute glut of work at my job. When I did my 100 consecutive days of blog posting last year, it was a time when it was possible to get caught up on work and have the tiniest sliver of downtime in which to goof off, and writing on my phone was a good use of that time. I can't use my work computer for anything fun, because everything I do on it is monitored and recorded. Sitting at my desk using my phone is acceptable, because we live in a reality where everyone does it, and no one wants to be the one to not do it to enforce the rule. As long as I'm getting my work done, and not flagrantly using my phone all day, I'm in the clear.

At the time, reading and writing were the only things I really wanted to do on my phone. I don't use any big social media platforms, and my fediverse timeline is tightly curated, so doomscrolling is thankfully a habit I was able to break. It doesn't take me long to catch up with the posts I missed while I was asleep, and then I'm done with the fediverse for awhile. That gives me a lot of time for creative activities.

Unfortunately, I realized that I could download retroarch and be getting retro achievements on my phone. So now that it's been a time of year that we're somewhat caught up, I've been spending time I might've otherwise have used writing playing Mario's Picross. Which I've learned is one of the best games on the gameboy. It came out in 1995, it should have been to the gameboy pocket what tetris was to the original gameboy. Everyone and their grandma should've been playing Mario's Picross, your local news should've been running stories about picross fever taking over the country, Andrew Lloyd Webber should've covered the picross theme under the pseudonym Dr. Chip.

The good news is, there's a very limited subset of games I can tolerate playing on a phone. It's pretty much just picross and digital board games. Even RPGs aren't playable for long stretches, because I have to slide my thumb around a virtual D-pad to navigate the world, which feels extremely bad. Digital board games are the best, because they only require occasional screen taps. Picross obviously isn't as good as playing on an actual Gameboy or something with a controller, but it's tolerable; and also, I've tried to play native android picross games, and I find the emulated gameboy game easier to control. On android, the boxes in the 15x15 puzzles are too small to consistently fill the way I intend. Moving a cursor with a virtual D-pad sucks, but it's better than the alternative.

I already got all the achievements in Monopoly for the megadrive (which I actually owned as a kid) and Life+Payday+Yahtzee for the GBA, so once I'm done with Mario's Picross I'll probably be done with phone achievements. I might check out Mario's Super Picross on the super famicom, but if it just ends up being the same puzzles on a different platform I don't think it'll hold my interest. (I might be in trouble if anyone makes achievements for the Itadaki Street fan translations.)

Picross is good for playing in small chunks, 10 or so minutes at a time (which is good because that's usually the amount of time I have) but I want to start jotting thoughts in my notes app, because that's how I managed to keep my 100 day streak. I would have sporadic thoughts throughout the morning, the time of day my brain is working, and just keep a log running throughout the day. Then when I get home, I have enough brain left to do some light editing, formatting, title-thinking-of, and posting.

I moved the notes app back to my home screen. I use a custom home screen app called oLauncher, which limits the number of apps on the home screen to a maximum of 8. It's a text list rather than a grid of icons. If I need another app, I swipe up and can either select from a list, or start typing the name of the app. This is so my attention is drawn mostly to the things that are important and I want to do. I *can* use other apps, there's just a little more friction to prevent me from over-apping. My top 8 currently is: (no particular order)

An audiobook player
An ebook reader
An instant messenger
A fediverse client
A music player
The notes app
The bus pass app
Weather

I can also access clock settings by tapping the time, and bring up the calendar by tapping the date. I think that encompasses most of what I actually want to do on a phone. I don't have a web browser on my home screen because using the web on a phone is kind of a drag.

The app I replaced to make room for notes is newpipe, which is super useful, but I typically download the audio from YouTube videos in batches when I'm home and listen to them in the audiobook player when I'm at work, so it's fine behind the swipe-gate.

Anyway, now that notes is front and center, hopefully I'll remember to use it more. I have ADHD and tend to forget activities I enjoy are a thing.

Like writing in this journal! Hello! I'm back and this time I'm hopefully going to remember that writing is a thing I enjoy. Please look forward to more loosely-connected bursts of cognition loosely edited together into whatever this is
bluelander: A pixellated pac-manesque ghost reading a book (Reading ghost)
Content warning for a double-fictional double suicide (a fictional movie that only exists in the fictional world of my dream)

I dreamt that I was watching a movie called "Sandra and Maria Die".1 It was one of those low-budget straight-to-streaming service indie movies that didn't have a lot of buzz, but I watched it because it sounded interesting. The titular characters die about 30 minutes into the movie, and the rest of the film is filling in details about the events that led to their deaths, and the other characters dealing with the aftermath.

I found it really well-done and affecting, and as is my wont with new media I take a strong liking to, I re-watched the movie two more times shortly after the first time. But on the second re-watch, something was different. Sandra and Maria didn't die. The movie is exactly the same up until the titular scene of the movie, but then things start happening differently.

The event that leads to their deaths is a phone call. The women are sisters, roughly college-age, and hosting a get-together at their home. When they're getting ready, they both receive phone calls, the details of which aren't audible to the audience, but it's heavily implied that they did something together about which they were being blackmailed, and the terms of the blackmailer lead to their taking their own lives.

On the third viewing of the movie, however, the call never comes. They get ready for the get-together and have a great time with their friends. At one point, one of the sisters tries to call one of their friends to see why they're running late, and the cell phone network is too jammed for their call to go through.

It's revealed that the network was jammed because some sort of 9/11-esque catastrophe had occurred. In the hazy way details often reveal themselves in dreams, I'm uncertain whether the event was similar to 9/11 or actually was 9/11. If the story was taking place in 2001, that would explain why the characters were primarily communicating with telephone calls. The main version of the film, in which Sandra and Maria die, takes place in a universe where 9/11 (or whatever) was prevented; in the alternate version, the catastrophe happens, indirectly saving the lives of the titular characters but leading to a host of other dramatic tensions. It wasn't like, a Final Destination situation where the characters were supposed to die and now the timelime is messed up (that would be unacceptably grim in a serious story about trauma and abuse); it was just: here's how things would have happened if one of the great coin flips of the universe came up tails instead of heads.

It would be impossible for me to reconstruct the details from the dream into a coherent narrative, much less two, but I'm fascinated by the idea of a story that sometimes, quietly, gives the observer an alternate universe version of events. This sort of thing would be pretty easy to do in text, at least on the technical side: write a short story on a webpage with a tiny bit of javascript that performs an invisible die roll when the page loads. Give it 75% odds that it'll load the Universe A version of the story, and 25% odds of Universe B. The first page's worth of text would be identical, so even someone refreshing the page over and over wouldn't see a difference unless they happened to be scrolled far enough down for the difference to be apparent. If someone has scripts disabled, it would default to Universe A. Nobody would even know that there was anything unusual about the story unless they re-read it enough times to have rolled both versions, or if the story became popular enough that people talked about it. Or if someone looked at the source code, but how often do people look at the source code of random short stories they find on the web?

The web could be full of stories, read by small handfuls of people, which are sometimes imperceptibly different, and I find that idea exciting. What a cool medium!



1. Almost certainly inspired by the webcomic Anders Loves Maria, which I'm looking up for the first time in awhile and am excited to learn is back online! Hooray! (edit: well, partially back online. It appears the author started reposting the strips in real time in the middle of last year, then abruptly stopped a couple months in. How frustrating 😔)
bluelander: Cartoon anthropomorphic bug smiling, winking and adjusting their glasses (Poindexter)
Back when I occasionally had some disposable income to spend on unnecessary tech junk, I got myself a Thinkpad X60 on ebay. It's a lovely little computer, one of my favorite form factors for a laptop. It's got a matte 4:3 display and a real non-chiclet keyboard that feels quite nice to type on. I had recently seen Vwestlife's video about it and there were plenty available on ebay for a reasonable price, so I picked one up. I bought that 10-year-old computer 7 years ago, and it's still going strong.

My original idea was to turn it into a dedicated portable word processor, and it served that function quite nicely. But at the time, I was working somewhere I had a bit of downtime and a computer I was reasonably sure wasn't being monitored, so I could do most of my writing there. I was also working the graveyard shift, so my unusual hours prevented me from going to the sorts of places I would use a portable word processor, cafes and restaurants and the library and such. So it didn't see much use at first.

I was glad I had it when my desktop computer died, because despite being nearly two decades old, it's still quite a capable little machine once you have some lightweight version of linux on it. I don't mean it's capable for what most people use the internet for, but it's more than capable for the sort of things I do. Firefox can sort of barely play youtube videos if you put it on the lowest quality, but if I used yt-dlp or an invidious instance to download them, VLC could play 720p video no problem (and on a 1024x768 screen, 720p is all you need.) I could play emulated games with retroarch and my USB controller. It even connected to my bluetooth headphones seamlessly. I could listen to music and browse the fediverse and read the occasional article. I could download books to read from libgen and play Cave Story. What else do I need?

Well, it's not a good machine for game development. Most of the tools I use will run on it, but the small screen and inability to plug it into a monitor really made it not suitable for any kind of creative work other than writing. Good for consumption, not so good for production.

Luckily, I now have a proper modern 2015 computer with Windows 7 I can plug into my monitor, so the trusty Thinkpad went back into storage. But recently I've been thinking of ways I can encourage myself to write more, so I decided it's time to make it a word processor again, and I thought it'd be interesting to some people if I talked about how. Distraction-free writing is something people are interested in, and there are apps and absurdly expensive bespoke devices available to help people achieve this, so maybe some people besides me would be interested in DIYing it.

First off, you obviously don't need a Thinkpad X60 to accomplish this, it's just what I like to type on. Any computer with a USB port and a proper configurable BIOS will work. You'll need a USB drive you can format, and it can be as small and cheap as possible. My current one is a 4GB microSD card in a microSD-SD adapter in a USB adapter. Not the most convenient option, but it's what I have. When I have a few bucks I'd like to get one of those tiny ones that sits almost flush with the USB port.

I used a Windows program called Rufus to format the card and create a bootable DOS flash drive. I then searched for a suitable DOS text editor. I had originally intended to just use EDIT.COM, the classic text editor that came with DOS 5.0 and later, but I discovered that it doesn't support wordwrapping, so it's good for editing .ini files and such but not suitable for the kind of longform writing I want to do with it. I tried a couple full-fledged word processors (George R.R. Martin famously swears by WordStar on a DOS machine to get his writing done) but they're overkill for my purposes: I don't need to do any text formatting and I don't need any advanced features, I just need to make a text file and transfer it to my main computer.

I settled on FreeDOS Edit 0.9a, a clone of EDIT.COM for the FreeDOS clone operating system. It looks exactly like EDIT.COM out of the box, right down to the eye-searing white-on-blue default color scheme, but it does thankfully have a monochrome option. Most crucially, it adds the missing wordwrap feature.2

When I want to write, wherever I am, I pull the laptop out of my backpack, stick in my USB drive, and press the power. It boots up almost instantly. I added a line to my AUTOEXEC.BAT file that immediately launches the editor with my BUFFER.TXT file, so I'm right where I left off.

Short video demonstrating bootup time (1.4MB) )

Of course, I can create and save and load other text files if I want to work on something else. There's no on-screen battery indicator, but if the battery light on the machine itself starts blinking, I just hit CTRL-S and I can be assured nothing will be lost. With an incredibly light OS and no spinning disk, even this 20-year-old battery lasts a remarkably long time, and I've never found myself in a situation where the battery wears out before I do. This whole entry was written on the thinkpad over the course of a couple hours, and I could probably keep going for several hours more.


So instead of a bespoke device that costs six hundred freaking dollars for a single-board computer, mechanical keyboard and e-ink display, consider visiting ebay or a secondhand store and giving one of the thousands of old, obsolete and unloved laptops a second lease on life. You can get an old school3 chromebook on ebay for 30 bucks. I don't know how easy it is to install DOS on them, but there are guides that can help you jailbreak a chromebook and install linux; a text-only linux distro and micro will give you much the same experience.



2. Minor caveat: FDEDIT does "hard" line wrapping, so the text is formatted for the screen, but the file has a line break every 40 characters or so. Basically all it does is press "enter" for me once the cursor reaches the edge of the screen. Not having to do that is better than using EDIT.COM, but I'll keep looking for a good editor that doesn't do this. In the meantime, it's not too hard to fix the superfluous line breaks in post.

3. An old chromebook that was used in a school, not "old-school".

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