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bluelanderI forgot to mention on Tuesday, but my therapist wasn't available that day and scheduled me for Friday this week. It wasn't as rough as usual, I mostly talked about how much better everything is now that my ADHD is being effectively treated. I talked about being proud of my consistency with this journal over the last couple weeks, and how it's not just that I feel like I'm able to write, but I'm able to have thoughts that worth writing down, and how scary it is to think this might go away if insurance decides to fuck with my meds again. I compared my situation to Flowers for Algernon and was a little sad that my therapist was unfamiliar with it. It's not a perfect comparison (or a perfect book) but I think anyone who's had a mental illness effectively treated can relate to it on some level.
We're scheduled for Tuesdays for the rest of this month, which is good for my brain. Now that my ADHD is better and I'm out of pure survival mode, we're probably going to start talking about my trauma more, so Tuesdays are going to be rough again for the next little bit. But it's a good, necessary kind of hard, and I'm glad I'm in good enough mental shape to start working on it again.
Even if therapy wasn't that hard, today's entry will probably be on the shorter side due to having my morning routine thrown off. More of a diary kind of update.
lies and grind
Speaking of morning routines, I just watched this video about how social media stars lie to their audience, and I'm quite amused at how grindset tiktok influencers fake their morning routines. There's one guy where the whole point of the video is that he's in the "5 AM club", a supposed elite cadre of the ultra-productive who wake up at 05h00 to start their day with a battery of self-improvement tasks, and she explains based on his location, the time of year and position of the sun, he had to have recorded the video hours later than he claims. Like, enduring these morning routines is his whole shtick, and he couldn't even do it once to make a convincing video. His whole life is a lie. lol
I don't watch this kind of content, so I don't really need the debunking, but it does make me feel better seeing the extent to which these supposedly super put-together, hyper-productive people have to fake their lives. Also, my life may not be perfect, but at least I don't have to set up my phone to start recording me, get back in bed, and pretend to wake up for millions of people. I could be doing a lot worse.
I've watched a couple of Hannah Alonzo's "influencer" videos and they're pretty entertaining, although in some cases I worry I'm just engaging in the thing itself. Exposing how influencers do dumb shit on purpose to make me mad does in fact make me mad, and if I didn't watch the exposé, I wouldn't be exposed to it at all. It's probably fine in small doses though, idk
When I was a kid, I watched a TV special called Buy Me That that exposed how TV and print advertising lie to make their products look better, it was a pretty influential piece of edutainment. It set the wheels in motion for my anti-consumerist (and eventually anti-capitalist) attitudes, Influencer Insanity feels like a modern extension of that. I hope it gets seen by the people who need to see it.
workday cake
It was someone's birthday in my office today, which is always potentially exciting, but all they had was cake. I was hoping there would be food. One of my co-workers brought me a slice of cake, which was very kind, but it's just been sitting on my desk cuz I came in late and haven't had lunch yet. Sweets aren't my preferred junk food, I'm more salty/fried/savory-inclined. I mean I'll eat it eventually, but probably won't get much out of it.
I live in walking distance of my office, which is very nice, but food options in this part of town are dire. There's one pizza place down the street, and I've been here for 3 years now, so I'm thoroughly sick of it. There is a little employee cafeteria, and the food isn't stellar, but it is cheap, so I take advantage of it when I can. But (1) it's cash-only, (2) it's only open til 13h00 and sometimes I forget to eat before they close, and (3) it's very often closed due to staffing shortages. So it's not something I can depend on.
In contrast, we have a little vending area with drinks and snacks that's fully self-service. You grab items you want out of the cooler or baskets, scan them on the little tablet that's bolted to the wall, and insert your credit card. It's nice and convenient, but it's all overpriced junk food. That's why cake is so disappointing, I can go downstairs and get a 100% sugar snack cake any time, and a sheet cake from Kroger or whatever is basically the same thing. Sometimes people bring in donuts to share, and I hate to seem ungrateful, but that's also the same thing. It's supposed to be a special treat, but real food is a much scarcer and more special treat, to me.
cake update
I have eaten the cake. It tasted like sugar and chemicals.
two burly plumbers
I haven't seen the Super Mario Bros. movie, and don't intend to. But I have now listened to the official 45 minute promotional storybook cassette. "Theater of the mind", I like to call it. It's pretty good. The narrator is doing a reasonable facsimile of the 90s movie trailer guy voice. I wasn't bored. It passes the bechdel test. It sets up and pays off an important lesson about never leaving your tools behind. I wouldn't say I laughed at any of the jokes, because I didn't, but there were times the writing surprised me, and being surprised is similar to laughing. This is letterboxd, right? 2⭐/5. At least it was only 45m long
happy friday
That'll do it for this week. Thanks everyone for reading, I feel like I'm getting back into a groove. What movie do you want to experience in the form of a 45m storybook cassete? Comment down below, and submit any questions for Monday Q&A. If you enjoy my work and would like to support independent writing on the world wide web, I've got a ko-fi and a Patreon if you're so inclined. You can also help by sharing a post you enjoy with a friend or on your social media platform of choice. See you on the seventh!
